The art of streaming consciousness
ME - - - - - - - RANDOM DUDES - - - - - - - SUBCONSCIOUS
....Oh man am I hungry....mmmmm foooood....
"Ganja Cookies! 3 for 5 dollars!"
...hmmm ganja? where have I heard that before?......must be some kinda strange cookie..... from..... uhhhhh..... IndonisiaBraziliaNewGueini.... er... yeah..... errrrrr yeah something like that......
"Ganja Cookies! 3 for 5 dollars!"
... well I am kinda hungry..... why not I got a few bucks....
"Ganja Cookies! 3 for 5..." cuts off mid sentence and gazes my direction. "Ganja cookies? I've also got fresh home made huckleberry lemonade?
"Ummm sure dude." fumbles pockets for money...
"How many do ya want?"
"Ummm I think I'll have just three....." waits as he reaches into the cooler and extracts a a three stack covered in alluminum foil... "thanks..."
"Yeah no problem man I'll be here all weekend..." smirks in an almost audible peculiarity...
...hmmmmm... just a peanut butter cookie... I was hoping for something a little more exotic.... oh well peanut butter cookies are my favorite anyway...blah...blah... *think*... *walk*... *fart a little*......
<--30 minutes later-->
... wow this is the most baddass drum cirlce I eva been too!!!.... finds a seat and grabs a drum... Boom pa chack a boom boom pa chaka chaka
<--15 minutes later-->
... DUDE I'M THE MOST BADDASS DRUMMER IN THE WORRRLLD!!!1 WHOOOOO HAAAAA!!!.... (yes I'm still only thinking this... just screamin in my head... and I meant that 1 to be there I swear)...
... I must be high on drumming!!! how is this possible! I'm entering another DIMENTION!!! I hear more than drums but souls enchanted in song... each drum having its own spirit as the drummer's spirit washes over in distinct tone and melody... they feel the rythm which is more than a sound but a rythm from within... the verry rythm their soul sings, dances, paints, lives, consumes, breaaaathes... it is their life, love, spirit, soul, eternity of concequence and reward. Their birth their resurrection and non concously.... THEM!... the soul that is masked by layers of humanity... only to be brought forth through creation. I am linked to them and them to me as our souls in the spirit relm stand side by side conversing in an unknown and unheard language... We are... humanity... "YAAAAAAOOOHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HOUUUUUAAAAAH" (some sort of undefinable scream).
BOOM! ...BOOM!... BOOM! ... BOOM! ... BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!
Voicessss... Voicessss... Voicessss...
Voicessss... Voicessss... Voicessss...
Voicessss... Voicessss... Voicessss...
Voicessss... Voicessss... Voicessss...
<-- Memory FADES Fades fades... sss...sss sssss -->
BLACK
....Oh wow dude Modest mouse Rules this is the coolest concert.... wait... how did I get here?... wow... wait amm I looking for my brother? oh yeah... no wait... oh I'm stoned... huh? I'm stoned how? what the crap? I didn' t smoke pot... what is going on? I'm insane right? Nooo I remember the drum circle made me high... wow musta been some drum circle... waaaaiit ganja.... ganja? ganja cookies? what were those... they just tasted like normal cookies... Hey dude!! dude!!! yo!!! can you hear me???.... ohhh wait I just said that in my head not out loud... "Hey uhhh... do you know what Ganja cookies are???"
"Yeah man you got some???"
"Uhhh no dude... but what are they?"
"Ya mean ya don't know? they're cookies made with weed man they get you hella F'd Up"
So the remainder of the night consisted of getting lost for hours trying to find my brother... then getting lost from him again called by the intriguing techno music emanating from the EMP sky church. then finally finding my bro again then looking for my car for another couple hours. I couldn't remember from one second to the next. I couldn't remember where I was or where I was going or even that I was looking for my car. In midst all this we ran into the lead sing from modest mouse... only my bro's fav band in the world... and we talked to him and walked with him for a bit and my bro got his frigging Fishing license from him!!! ha ha what the hec? jeremy said that no one would ever believe him so he gave him his friggin fishing license which has his address, phone number and everything on it... anyway so the moral of the story? If you go to bumber shoot this weekend... don’t eat ganja cookies.
My poetry, thoughts and ambitions... Ictus: A stroke or blow, as in a sunstroke, the sting of an insect, pulsation of an artery, etc. -or- The stress of voice laid upon accented syllable of a word.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Friday, August 29, 2003
So I been working on the loyalty clothing company website lately and man is it coming out awesome... I just can't wait to finish it so I can upload it and get it running for dan...
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Monday, August 25, 2003
10 Things that have been happening in Joel's life:
1. Work, Work, Work, Work and more Work.
2. Let my baddass Toad go :-( I will miss him.
3. Owing money. I owe the band 200 dollars because of some stupid unauthorized overdraft crap.
4. My cell service interupted cause of late payment.
5. Went to Laser Pink floyd last night with my bro and it was the coolest laser show I seen yet. Way better than laser Metallica and laser Tool combined. and then afterwards we roamed broadway till like 4am and met a crazy bum that wanted to beat the crap out of us for no aparrent reason. I don't know why people can be so damn bitter about life that just from walking past them they begin to curse at you. I think he thought me and my bro were gay lovers er something... AHHH!
6. I'm working on the loyalty clothing website and completely redoing it and its gonna be awesome... (by the way the site thats up wasn't designed by me... the new one will be similar but way better).
7. I'm starting a new band with Sharon, hopefully my friend jordan on guitar and my bro on drums... I'll be singing and playing mostly acoustic cause of my arm injury... I cant wait for this to kick off...
8. ELENA IS GOING TO BE HERE EXACTLY 2 WEEKS FROM TODAY!!! I so can't even wait that long though I have waited a whole year. I MISS YOU SO MUCH BABE! I LOVE YOU!!!
9. I'm last minute thinking about starting up at ITT tech this fall qaurter. I still cannot decide on this course of action.
10. And last yet first on priority above all this other nonsense (Sorry elena your not nonsense so discluding you cause you are what keeps me alive next to god.) Is that I desperately need god right now. I have lost touch these last month I've been out of Zoë university. I have done everything wrong that I could have to loose touch with what I had. I call him back now though. I ask him to live once more in me. and the greatest thing in the world is that I know I could do the same thing a thousand times and he would still try to hug me even though I'm not a very hugable creature. He kills himself over and over me and I constantly drive nails into his arms but he still attempts to come near me and hold me no matter how much I bite back.
1. Work, Work, Work, Work and more Work.
2. Let my baddass Toad go :-( I will miss him.
3. Owing money. I owe the band 200 dollars because of some stupid unauthorized overdraft crap.
4. My cell service interupted cause of late payment.
5. Went to Laser Pink floyd last night with my bro and it was the coolest laser show I seen yet. Way better than laser Metallica and laser Tool combined. and then afterwards we roamed broadway till like 4am and met a crazy bum that wanted to beat the crap out of us for no aparrent reason. I don't know why people can be so damn bitter about life that just from walking past them they begin to curse at you. I think he thought me and my bro were gay lovers er something... AHHH!
6. I'm working on the loyalty clothing website and completely redoing it and its gonna be awesome... (by the way the site thats up wasn't designed by me... the new one will be similar but way better).
7. I'm starting a new band with Sharon, hopefully my friend jordan on guitar and my bro on drums... I'll be singing and playing mostly acoustic cause of my arm injury... I cant wait for this to kick off...
8. ELENA IS GOING TO BE HERE EXACTLY 2 WEEKS FROM TODAY!!! I so can't even wait that long though I have waited a whole year. I MISS YOU SO MUCH BABE! I LOVE YOU!!!
9. I'm last minute thinking about starting up at ITT tech this fall qaurter. I still cannot decide on this course of action.
10. And last yet first on priority above all this other nonsense (Sorry elena your not nonsense so discluding you cause you are what keeps me alive next to god.) Is that I desperately need god right now. I have lost touch these last month I've been out of Zoë university. I have done everything wrong that I could have to loose touch with what I had. I call him back now though. I ask him to live once more in me. and the greatest thing in the world is that I know I could do the same thing a thousand times and he would still try to hug me even though I'm not a very hugable creature. He kills himself over and over me and I constantly drive nails into his arms but he still attempts to come near me and hold me no matter how much I bite back.
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
I can't stop but think of ever so gazefull eyes upon me. Ever so daunting and perishing. Eyes all filled will deceit. Where is my love? Where is my song? That melody so familiar that used to ring about through my life. It sang and it sang on. Maybe now it is dead. Maybe a new song will sound. But maybe Its only a forgotten syllable lost in a cloud of words. A photograph on a wall that lost its meaning but to the occasional passer by that may glance in a millisecond of appreciation. What have I created? My heart searches to fill this hole with no proper education of anatomy. I tariff my mind in confusion. Reliant on nothing. Severed with only a few hairs to connect my body to reality. Oh love I would of joyous melody to burn in my heart again. Let my earth shake under my feet as it endures harmonic vibrations of mouth. Let the earth hear my soul. Let it feel triumph underneath this ugly marred callus I call self.
Hindered am I not. I will not leash this explosion. It comes forth in magnitude of forgotten levels. It will shake those hanging on walls of their own. They will jump out of their image and reveal their reality. All will be as never before. More than an army. A fleet of ships sent not to destroy the shivering but to warm the waters of death stirring up life and passion in a dish of flavor. Not to be served but to serve. To release those who do not flee to corners of life but join in this one great song, this one salvation army.
Clash no more I say. Melody and harmony will now resound perfectly. All dissonance will wither and be lost. Sectioning of pulses bring our rhythm out in our hands and offer up to the one. May it be done. May it resound. May it Roar. May the depths of hell cower in their death. Conquer we will. Live we will. Triumph will come. All will come to be. All will come but death. Death be no more.
Hindered am I not. I will not leash this explosion. It comes forth in magnitude of forgotten levels. It will shake those hanging on walls of their own. They will jump out of their image and reveal their reality. All will be as never before. More than an army. A fleet of ships sent not to destroy the shivering but to warm the waters of death stirring up life and passion in a dish of flavor. Not to be served but to serve. To release those who do not flee to corners of life but join in this one great song, this one salvation army.
Clash no more I say. Melody and harmony will now resound perfectly. All dissonance will wither and be lost. Sectioning of pulses bring our rhythm out in our hands and offer up to the one. May it be done. May it resound. May it Roar. May the depths of hell cower in their death. Conquer we will. Live we will. Triumph will come. All will come to be. All will come but death. Death be no more.
The rabid chase the hungry.
Beaming eyes pierce the heart.
The sentinels grow close.
He stumbles into death.
In his eternal moment,
Gazes of faces are locked in memory.
All that remains is still fading.
This is his eternity.
Oh golden clouds you are but near.
Oh how I scream to lose my fear.
Roll in roll on. Cure this song.
Soul and spirit ever so clash.
Evening break never shake.
Send me away, send me away
Take me up in arms of cloud.
Stretch me out and over the sea.
Let me be, let me be.
Let me plunge into arms.
And sleep in peace... sleep... oh sleep...
Beaming eyes pierce the heart.
The sentinels grow close.
He stumbles into death.
In his eternal moment,
Gazes of faces are locked in memory.
All that remains is still fading.
This is his eternity.
Oh golden clouds you are but near.
Oh how I scream to lose my fear.
Roll in roll on. Cure this song.
Soul and spirit ever so clash.
Evening break never shake.
Send me away, send me away
Take me up in arms of cloud.
Stretch me out and over the sea.
Let me be, let me be.
Let me plunge into arms.
And sleep in peace... sleep... oh sleep...
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Who's Got My Back ~ Creed
Run…hide
All that was sacred to us
Sacred to us
See the signs
The covenant has been broken
By mankind
Leaving us with no shoulder…
with no shoulder
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
There’s still time
All that has been devastated
Can be recreated
Realize
We pick up the broken pieces
Of our lives
Giving ourselves to each other…
ourselves to each other
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
Tell me the truth now…
Tell us the truth now
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
After that last blog I had to listen to this song... all must at least listen to this song once through and give it a chance... I believe it to be one of the best songs ever written of the truth of humanity. I wish more people would look past their misconceptions of creed and actually read the lyrics and listen to the amazing music they produce.
Run…hide
All that was sacred to us
Sacred to us
See the signs
The covenant has been broken
By mankind
Leaving us with no shoulder…
with no shoulder
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
There’s still time
All that has been devastated
Can be recreated
Realize
We pick up the broken pieces
Of our lives
Giving ourselves to each other…
ourselves to each other
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
To rest our head on
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
Tell me the truth now…
Tell us the truth now
Who’s got my back now?
When all we have left is deceptive
So disconnected
So what is the truth now?
After that last blog I had to listen to this song... all must at least listen to this song once through and give it a chance... I believe it to be one of the best songs ever written of the truth of humanity. I wish more people would look past their misconceptions of creed and actually read the lyrics and listen to the amazing music they produce.
How? how do you save someone? how do you save them from the pit they are continualy falling face first into? I understand so so so deeply what they are going through but nothing I can do will stop them. Nothing I say nothing I do will make a big difference. But I struggle on with them trying so hard to find the magic moment to say the magic words that will turn everything around. I stand and comfort. I am their backbone if they will let me be. I am a place to go and hide if they let me be that place. But will that be all I am? Only but just a place to get out of the rain for a while? Why wont they just come in and stay longer than a few short moments to keep them alive from the death they live in. They could stay here in this shelter until the rain stops outside and the blue canopy arises with a soft breeze and the warmth of a cloudless sky. They could then be free in his glory and true beauty. The could harvest the fields of love that he has planted and build a life and a home for those that live as they did. they could be the worlds backbone stronger than I ever was. they can be the greatest place to hide in danger. And maybe when all of us come out of the rain we can all build together, the greatest kindom that ever existed.
O please god let me be the shelter as I am sheltered in you. That way anyone sheltered under me will be sheltered under you. Lord I pray... and again I pray... my heart belongs to you. I don't care what happens to me. Just let this person through if even at the cost of my life. I would sacrifice myself that may they live. "I hope I was an answer, So that you might live!!!"~ creed.
O please god let me be the shelter as I am sheltered in you. That way anyone sheltered under me will be sheltered under you. Lord I pray... and again I pray... my heart belongs to you. I don't care what happens to me. Just let this person through if even at the cost of my life. I would sacrifice myself that may they live. "I hope I was an answer, So that you might live!!!"~ creed.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Blue mountains, capped off with snow
Steep and rising as each one grows
Higher and higher, touching a cloud
Only half can be seen, even now
Yellow strokes to circle the sun
Who said love just can't be done?
Plush green hills and a teal blue sky
Never knew my eyes were so blind
To you.
~ Carly Bishop
Wow Carly I like this poem a lot. You have no idea. I love it. Now Poetry can be interpreted many ways by different people and for some people some poetry touches them in some certain way better than others.... This poem to me resembles the perfect love poem. Not some cheesy sappy love poem but a true love poem. It to me has a real and true meaning that just sets my heart afire. Ya know its times like these when I read a poem like this from someone else and realize how my poetry needs to be shared. To me, mine is absolutely meaningless... I pour my soul into it but in my mind it isn't fresh as when I read someone elses... Thanks Carly for inspiration as you always seem to inspire me in some way or another. I just hope that one day my work may inspire as yours does inspire me.
Steep and rising as each one grows
Higher and higher, touching a cloud
Only half can be seen, even now
Yellow strokes to circle the sun
Who said love just can't be done?
Plush green hills and a teal blue sky
Never knew my eyes were so blind
To you.
~ Carly Bishop
Wow Carly I like this poem a lot. You have no idea. I love it. Now Poetry can be interpreted many ways by different people and for some people some poetry touches them in some certain way better than others.... This poem to me resembles the perfect love poem. Not some cheesy sappy love poem but a true love poem. It to me has a real and true meaning that just sets my heart afire. Ya know its times like these when I read a poem like this from someone else and realize how my poetry needs to be shared. To me, mine is absolutely meaningless... I pour my soul into it but in my mind it isn't fresh as when I read someone elses... Thanks Carly for inspiration as you always seem to inspire me in some way or another. I just hope that one day my work may inspire as yours does inspire me.
Monday, August 11, 2003
Admittance... why is it that when I admit my screwed up problems to people they never shun me like they are supposed to? It seems that their arms only open wider for me to come in and be loved. I don't deserve that. We don't deserve that. But this is how it should be. And it makes me cry that someone would love me like that... Chris Foutz... he is the man. If anyone that reads this ever meets or knows Chris, give him a big hug. He deserves the world. I have told him things that I cannot tell a whole lot of other people. Same with Heather Kozad. She is super cool. And she gives the best hugs ever. And most of all... My favorite person in the world. Elena my girl. She has forgiven and given more than I ever deserved. I don't know why I'm writing this. Well that's a lie. Actually I just feel so guilty for certain things that have happened these last couple months and it just moves me so much that people still accept me with love. Thank you all for accepting me.
"When you are vulnerable, you risk vast amounts of feelings with the other person. Hence the reason why so many other relational goodness's can be found growing from being vulnerable." ~ Carly Bishop.
And like a great man and friend once said "We need to get so close to each other that we can like poke each other with sharp stuff." ~ Dan Blue. I believe that in order to "Live for so much more..." ~ Switchfoot, we need to be that close and vulnerable. It's only then that we grow. When we admit our faults and accept each others faults and see the true humanity that rests inside each one of us. That is true life. Life only exists in relationship with others.
When it all comes down to it every true joy we have seems to only mean something when others share the experience. When we have a blast doing some great fun thing we constantly try to recreate the experience with words for others around us. It happens every day in every conversation. In every story, every relation. Our greatest true desire as humans is to share love with others and our father. But this world has masked that from us. It constantly throws selfishness at us.
Now there is one problem with being vulnerable to others and the problem is that people will let you down. That is the part that must be overcome. We can't get pissed off cause someone hurt us. We have to look past that and see their humanity underneath the mess this world has created.
"When you are vulnerable, you risk vast amounts of feelings with the other person. Hence the reason why so many other relational goodness's can be found growing from being vulnerable." ~ Carly Bishop.
And like a great man and friend once said "We need to get so close to each other that we can like poke each other with sharp stuff." ~ Dan Blue. I believe that in order to "Live for so much more..." ~ Switchfoot, we need to be that close and vulnerable. It's only then that we grow. When we admit our faults and accept each others faults and see the true humanity that rests inside each one of us. That is true life. Life only exists in relationship with others.
When it all comes down to it every true joy we have seems to only mean something when others share the experience. When we have a blast doing some great fun thing we constantly try to recreate the experience with words for others around us. It happens every day in every conversation. In every story, every relation. Our greatest true desire as humans is to share love with others and our father. But this world has masked that from us. It constantly throws selfishness at us.
Now there is one problem with being vulnerable to others and the problem is that people will let you down. That is the part that must be overcome. We can't get pissed off cause someone hurt us. We have to look past that and see their humanity underneath the mess this world has created.
Saturday, August 09, 2003
So I got this awesome toad I brought back from Eastern washington with me. He's a friggin tank man. I just hope I can find things for him to eat often enough. I may have to start buyin stuff for him cause I never have time anymore... I'm never home anymore. But I at least got an awesome tank for him. He's lookin at me right now. Man this dude is baddass...
So thursday night august 7th, 2003 I saw my very first Metallica concert. It was all I ever dreamed... but then I realized something and that is that I can't really say that metallica is my favorite band anymore. I would have never thought it would come down to that ever. I will always love metallica they were my first love... they are what started me playing guitar. They inspired me for my entire highschool years. But now somehow my love for them has somewhat faded. Their music doesn't quit move me the way it used to. I looked forward to seeing metallica in concert forever and it was all I expected it to be but didn't leave me with that thirst for more as did when I saw Coldplay at sasquatch festival. I still hold to Coldplay being the best concert I've ever seen in my life. I didn't think I would ever say this but I think I have finally taken Metallica down from number one on my favorite band list.
So thursday night august 7th, 2003 I saw my very first Metallica concert. It was all I ever dreamed... but then I realized something and that is that I can't really say that metallica is my favorite band anymore. I would have never thought it would come down to that ever. I will always love metallica they were my first love... they are what started me playing guitar. They inspired me for my entire highschool years. But now somehow my love for them has somewhat faded. Their music doesn't quit move me the way it used to. I looked forward to seeing metallica in concert forever and it was all I expected it to be but didn't leave me with that thirst for more as did when I saw Coldplay at sasquatch festival. I still hold to Coldplay being the best concert I've ever seen in my life. I didn't think I would ever say this but I think I have finally taken Metallica down from number one on my favorite band list.
He is near me. And I pull away... he is right there with his arms around me. Yet I continue to test his tolerance to my sins. I know he's right there as I indulge completely aware of my sin. I dont understand myself. Why do I do these things? What good is the spiritual wisdom I've gained when I don't practice it? How come I seem to have the answers to my problems and others around me. I understand more now than I ever have before but I seem to be wrestling in sin more now than ever. Satan attacks those that have great things ahead of them. Right when someone has grown he attacks to try to suppress... well now I'm standing up to his fucking dipshit face and sayin outright.... NO. your done. through the power of jesus christ you are nothing to me. I need not none of you no more. I am done with you. You may leave now.
Friday, August 08, 2003
Intertwining dimensions divide in exquisite tone and melody.
Broken, erratic morphological movements,
Vocally intercept in spirit.
Of three only two may bind as one.
I am one and choose of those on my shoulders.
I the chooser bind with his spirit and together we flourish.
I know it’s possible.
Enter all of me.
Train my thoughts.
Here it comes.
Broken, erratic morphological movements,
Vocally intercept in spirit.
Of three only two may bind as one.
I am one and choose of those on my shoulders.
I the chooser bind with his spirit and together we flourish.
I know it’s possible.
Enter all of me.
Train my thoughts.
Here it comes.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
Man I have been gone way too much. I just got back from spokane. I went to see my grandma finally... She is problably ready to go soon. I think seeing us kids may have been the last thing before she leaves. As we left even though she could not see us as she is blind. She had a very sad look in her eyes. Something hidden inside as if she was saying goodbye but could not utter the words. Her worn yet beautiful hands extended towards us with what she thought was three ten dollar bills. In actuality there being two tens and a twenty clasped between her gently shaking fingers. All three of us kids reluctently took her gift not mentioning the twenty that was handed to my sister. I decided to hug her twice. I wished I was there alone with her. There were so many things I wished to ask and tell. I want to go back and tell her about the amazing inspiration she has given me. I wanted to tell her, hey when you get home to be with jesus, give him a big hug for me eh? I would want to sit and listen to her tell me stories about when she was a little girl. I know there is so much love in her soul and wen she gets to heaven she will be the mother of many. Giving love more than needed.
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