Mmmm... chevelle good... I need some good angry music right now. I think I'll blast my ears out and head bang wildly. Music has got to be the best invention ever. I like to think of what the first song sounded like... "oooga boga rrraaaaaaaaaahhh ahhhhh ahahh (banging sticks, while dancing franticly about)" I wanna go out and bang some sticks together and rejoice. Make big fire, growl yell and break things... ha ha very strange mood I am in indeed.

Geocaching was friggin awesome... does that make me a geek? whateva it was stinkin fun... and besides I'm already at geek status anyway aren't I? I mean I spend most my time on the internet, I code, I blog, I... am a dork around people lots... anyway I'm done debating my geekness... I been workin on adding a couple pages to this site... I've got room on another server without stupid banner add or nuthin... so I'm gonna have a poetry page a music page agh whateva the hec else...


I pass you by floating on precious waters.
And you steal my heart.
Fleeing with it, singing it a song.
And so I sink down into my solitude.

Winding winds break my thoughts and send them onward.
Laughing to themselves as they finish their steps.
To be... never again... where once he wept.


I furnish this last word
And you breathe on.
Drifting further away.
Drifting as you may.

Yay for me I'm up early early for a great day of Geocaching... aint I such a geek? What am I doing. This is my first time doin this. Goin out with Sussan and her dad (he's the coolest). So whateva... This is MY united states of whateva! Ok enough of that. Off to my Geekoidous journey Hurray for dorkation nations.

ok so I should be in bed right now... like I'm in my room nothing to do I should be in bed. But sometimes on nights like these I can't sleep cause I'm depressed. I think and think about crap that really doesn't matter. I have all the logical reason in the world not to be depressed. But my stupid human brain says "Everything sucks. I'm such a bastard I always fuck up everyone elses lives. ohh ohh ohh I'm depressed poor little me" whatever brain or whatever you are that does this. Sigh...

Cut out this piece of smoldering flesh that’s rotting.
Thoughts buzz around its aroma.
They stop to land.
Maybe to try to mend but they only encase themselves further in the wound.

I dream for the smooth liquid to pour into my soul.
To detach me from this wall I hang on.
This wall infested with termites that slowly dig into the back of my skull.

If I could just float somberly in ecstasy.
Without a body holding me down.
Bathe in the nothingness that surrounds me.
Thinking only of the now

Sussan just enformed me of the following proverb which very much brings greater meaning to my life.

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

Find more of these cool deep thoughts here: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Why do we all seem to have the same story? Every one of us. I don't think people recognize how alone they are not. We all feel alone. There is always a time where we feel alone and unloved but we don't ever take this perspective of how much everyone else feels the same. So why do we always feel alone when everyone else does? It boggles my mind. I constantly try to understand us but I don't think I ever will.

Straining for sight he walks closer to the brilliance.
Only to find that his goal is but pocket change in the hands of his follower.
Spent, he climbs down his treachery.
Back into that tiny hole that seeps up through the mountain of needles.
A hole that is cloned of itself among a thousand eyes.
Eyes all seeing yet perciving the same for themselves.

Caustic it reads, plastered to my sentience.
Blood spills from my ears dripping away casually as I mount my spiral assent.
Whispers reach my fingertips trying to energize my body with their soft melody.
Yet nothing is wild, all is calm.
A bold faceless child, rests in my palm.

My spiral feeds, consuming my conscience.
I count the knots in my tether as I spin franticly pulling them tighter.
The winds are fierce yet I have no cares, the tyrant that holds me has an easy victim.
My breath is vile, into you I stare.
Not even a smile, never a care

I am proud of myself or should I say just happy! Cause I wrote a new song today! even though my stupid arm is screwed up... see the other day up in woodenville I was messin with carly's guitar and wrote some cool stuff i an alternate tuning involving tappin and such with the right hand and just barring with my left thumb (the only friggin functional part of my hand). Anyway I was lookin at my last entry from yesterday and turned ito lyric and melody... I've never been able to do that with a poem before... very cool...

here's somethin kinda funny...

Monkey: yo yo
"D_RAE: hey u how u doin?
"D_RAE: hows u'r arm?
Monkey: doin good... just got back from physical therapy crap
"D_RAE: yea cool.. how was it..
"D_RAE: u able to pull the middle finger yet..
"D_RAE: that should be the first lesson
"D_RAE: ;)
Monkey: ha ha!!
Monkey: nope not yet

horray horray for me... Today I go to occupationl therapy... no not physical therapy occupational therapy... why is it called that don't ask me. Then I'm hangin up in da hizouse with kendra then I"m off to the exit for another worship wednesday horray horray I feel snazzy today!

Solace, so heartless.
I breathe in and I taste this air.
Consuming it shakes me, confusing and yet awaking.
I shiver at the still water beneath me.
And along I rest floating and sleeping.

My toes just ever so close.
with my body frozen in time.

How could I ever be alive?
When will the beauty arise?

The glimer from above reflects in an ambient song.
through the deep... oh to keep... oh to keep.
drift, drift away, let mist over shadow this underspoken costly heart.

Oh hizzy... I has been assimilated... its true the blog has taken me and they are wearing funny suits with like uh stuff on them... I think one of them is named carly but then like no wait she isn't carly anymore she has been assimilated long ago and is one of us as I am now one of them and have no name.
So like its great cause I talk like someone is here listening but I don't think anyone has read my blog yet but dats coo. But dude... last night was very cool... I was at Zoë University and like I in a way felt... popular? what me? I've always been the behind the scenes dork that sometimes got attention but only when people wished to make fun. But anyway so like we was doin this skit and it was basicly like the SNL celebrity jeopardy er thats what we mad it to be (my idea he he he) anyway I was Keanu Reeves as a contestant and my friend chris foutz (one of the funniest guys on the plannet and alwaz getting attention) was sean connery anyway so like I totally didn't wanna do this cause I been told a million times I am horrible with impersonations especially accents. But I had done a little keanu impersonation for my group and they made me do it up in front everyone. So like we did our skit and like I made everyone bust up laughing big time and I don't know how... er I do but no one ever laughs at my jokes usually cause I usually just have too different of a sense of humor. But like afterwards everyone was talkin about it and getting me to do keanu again and by the end of the night I was dubbed keanu... we went to red robin and like I talked my head off like I normally do but for some reason everyone listened to me this time. people I thought would never talk to me were all talking to me and I felt at the center of attention... It started to feel like a conspiracy at first and it freaked me out big time. I'm sitting there at the end of a table and people start talking to me that never talk to me like this girl named sarah who started asking bout my friends in woodnville and I'm like "what is goin on here?" and I asked her that too I'm like where did that come from... It seriously felt like a conspiracy. Anyway its nice to finally feel at the center of attention for once in my lifetime yeah that may sound a little selfish but the fact is that I never been at the center of attention.. its kinda neat. oooooh I write too much I can see how addicting this is gonna get real fast

So yay heres my blog yo... Car you may be hooking me... I'm gonna be sucked in eh? Well anyway I'm gonna be posting me poetry all that jizzazz... so why don't I start with my latest poem... and man this sucks typing with one hand which by the way yeah I friggin cut arm to pieces 3 weeks ago but I wont friggin explain that cause I am tooooooooo sick of talkin bout that one.
So like my great grandmother is in the hospital k? like she is going to die. no doubt about it. In fact she wants to die. not like cause she is depressed or anything but cause she is ready to go home to our true home to heaven to live truely the way our spirit is meant to flourish. And she feels totally at peace about it. Its kinda a mix of joy and saddness i get about the whole situation cause I really want to see her before she dies but i haven't been able to go over there (she's in spokane). But on the other hand I am very happy for her cause she is about to be in such a place she deserves out of this horible body and screwed up world. I really look up to her and my great grandpa more than anyone else... they are just great role models.... so anyway here is what I my "sporatic ictus" created yesterday.


Out of this world I creep in silence
falling unbound into those arms
the arms of peace and liquid joy
dispersing, withering my body quakes
but only my body of worldly taste
not my soul, my soul awakes